BEHOLD! The wonders of Bruce Campbell -part 3

BEHOLD! This is the second part of the wonderful wonders of the wonderful wonder that is Bruce Campbell. Although it’s a well-known fact that he is the true mother of dragons, there are other less known facts about the man and I have taken the pleasure of collecting a few of them.

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It is often believed that B.C. stands for before Christ. It actually stands for Before Campbell.

 

When there is no more room in hell, Bruce Campbell’s job is done.

 

Bruce Campbell did, in fact, reach the end of outer space.

 

Who let the dogs out? Bruce Campbell did.

 

Bruce Campbell is the Catcher in the Rye.

 

Some singers can hit notes that break glass. Bruce Campbell can hit notes that repair it.

 

Bruce Campbell’s milkshake brings the whole damn world to his yard.

 

Bruce Campbell watches the Watchmen.

 

Latin is a dead language because Bruce Campbell killed it.

 

To Bruce or not to Bruce, THAT is the question.

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Bruce Campbell knows what happened to Jimmy Hoffa.

 

Bruce Campbell can clap with one hand.

 

Bruce Campbell’s chin hairs can cure cancer and diabetes.

 

Barack Obama asked Bruce Campbell to be his Secretary of Defense, but Bruce told him he only knows offense.

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Bruce is The Word.

 

Bruce Campbell is the alpha, the omega, and the delta and gamma as well.

 

The Running Man is running from Bruce Campbell.

 

Bruce shot the Sheriff. He shot the Deputy too.

 

Bruce Campbell doesn’t do cameos. Cameos do Bruce Campbell.

 

When the Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Bruce Campbell.

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Bruce Campell is so legendary any horse he rides becomes a unicorn.

 

Bruce Campbell invented the apple.

 

Bruce Campbell once beat the crap out of Angela Lansbury with a shovel for not hailing to the king, baby.

 

Bruce Campbell only sees one color: blood.

 

Bruce Campbell has read the Voynich manuscript.

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And on the seventh day, God made zombies.
Thank God that on the eighth day, God made Bruce Campbell.

 

The Ark of the Covenant contains Bruce Campbell’s baby pictures.

 

Jack Bauer has saved millions of lives on at least 5 occasions. Bruce Campbell thinks he’s an underacheiver.

 

When Bruce Campbell goes to sleep, sheep count him.

 

When Bruce Campbell looks Death in the face, it backs down.

 

Bruce Campbell created the sun with a shoelace, a paperclip, and an empy hubba bubba gum wrapper.

 

Bruce Campbell killed Kenny every time.

 

Bruce Campbell’s boomstick can cure a deaf person, a blind person AND a deaf blind person.

 

The person Charlie Chaplin lost a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest to was Bruce Campbell.

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